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Laziness Perth comes home after a long day at work to find that his girlfriend Ten has not moved off the couch all day.

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The Nightlife

The famous Suzie Wongs is at the end on the right hand side. They give the customers foam tubes that they can use to slap the girls bums. It is totally painless but makes a load slap sound. This soi also has a number of normal bars with live music. There are also a variety of normal nightlife venues in and around Soi Bangla with live music, sports screens, pool tables and food.

The line of bars on the road from Moon Bar down to Ned Kelly's are popular drinking spots to watch the action on Bangla Road. Most of these bars do have working girls but because they are on the street, they are less obvious about wrapping themselves around poles and pushing themselves on potential customers.

Many tourists drink at these bars to people-watch. However, there will be girls freelancing at these bars and men looking for them. Apart from Bangla, there are a few other beer bar complexes. In Karon there is the bar area above the Karon Circle at the north of the town. In Phuket Town, the sex venues are more Asian Style.

There is the infamous Soi 11 off Phun Phon Road. Here the girls sit in rows in shop front windows. Customers select a girl and take her to one of the rooms upstairs. The more refined Asian customers will go to the karaoke venues such as Pink Lady. These are not the simple karaoke bars that many Thais like to visit to drink beer, eat food and sing songs. These are plusher venues where the girls sing songs on a stage and the customers buy them flowers as a reward.

There is also the very plush Pink Lady Cafe at the base of the Metropole Hotel that has a good stage show and can be worth a visit even if you are not looking for a girl. They do of course have girls, lots of girls and they are generally more beautiful than their Patong counterparts.

Drink prices at these venues are high but not exorbitant. There are gay bars, gay cabarets and gay guesthouses. This area also caters to straight women. Some of the boys working in the gay bars are not actually gay and are happy to go with female customers. You do not need to be gay to visit Soi Paradise. It is a very colourful area and some of the gay cabarets are worth a look. Known in Thai by the jokey term 'katoey'.

You may also hear them called ladymen, he-males or she-males. Katoeys are of course men who look like women. Some have had varying degrees of gender altering surgery. Some take hormones to increase their female attributes. Some just dress and make up as females. Whilst some like the three in the photo are easy to spot, there are others that make very attractive women and if you saw them in the street, you really would not know they were men.

There are many stories of men picking up women in bars only to find when they get back to their hotel that she is in fact a he. These are not just legends - it really does happen. Katoeys have become something of a tourist attraction. Many tourists come to drink at one of the surrounding beer bars while watching the katoeys dance on the tables. You can take a photo with the katoeys but remember to pay them a tip - they are notoriously spiteful if they feel cheated.

Another place to see katoeys is Simon Cabaret at the south end of Patong on the road to Karon. It is a simple but well-done cabaret show with katoeys dressed in spectacular costumes and miming to a range of songs. You will be amazed at just how convincing some of them are. Many massage parlours are just that - places to get a good massage.

Most massage parlours will give just a massage if that is what the customer wants but some also offer extra services a massage with a 'happy ending'. Open-air massages and massage parlours where the customers are separated by curtains will only offer massage. Massage parlours that provide a private room may well offer extra services.

The most well known massage parlour offering extra services is Christin Massage - a big pink building on Rat-U-Thit Road south of Bangla. This massage parlour is just a higher-end sex venue. The girls sit behind a glass screen for the customer's selection. The selected girl then takes the customer to a comfortable private room for a soap bath, massage and of course, 'extra services'.

Always wear a condom - it is just not worth the risk. If you do not have a condom then the girl should have one. Remember no matter how lovely the girl may seem, she is working in an industry that is likely to corrupt.

When the girls first arrive in Phuket, they are usually well-mannered Thai country folk. However, they very quickly learn the tricks of the trade. And above all else, they are working for money. If you take a girl back to your hotel then many hotel receptions will ask to see the girls ID card.

They do this to ensure the girl cannot get away with committing a crime against you. Theft is the main danger. You go to the shower and she takes your wallet and leaves.

You go to sleep and she takes your valuables and is gone. You are not looking and she takes your jewelry before kissing you good-bye. Remember if the girl knows you are on holiday for two weeks, then she can disappear for two weeks. If you take a girl from a beer bar or go-go she will be easier to trace but it is no guarantee.

You could consider asking to see the girls ID card yourself. It might not be romantic or charming but let's face it, this is not romance. You can check her date of birth to be sure she is over 18 by subtracting from the Thai year. There have been many reports from Bangkok and Pattaya of girls doping customers. The last thing the customer remembers is having a drink with a girl and the next thing he knows he is waking up with a stunning headache and his valuables gone.

There have now been a few confirmed reports of this happening in Phuket. Men are often reluctant to report these crimes so there is no knowing how prevalent this is in Phuket. We do not believe it is common in Phuket but still it is a good idea to be careful with your drinks. Theft from customers is not the most common scam. The girls know they can make much more money if the customer gives it voluntarily.

The sob stories the girls tell their customers are brilliant heart-tugging tales of woe designed to elicit sympathy. The punch line will invariably be that she needs to make big money to pay for someone's hospital care or to save her family from starvation. The old-hands call them sick buffalo stories and treat them with great scepticism. In fact, there is often an element of truth to the stories. The girls do come from poor backgrounds and their families are often suffering hardship.

That does not mean the final punch line for money is true or that you have any responsibility to pay for it. Another common scam is the girl will tell the man she will stop working in bars and be faithful to him, if he can send her money. The man will then go home and send the girl regular payments thinking he is keeping her out of the bar. Many of the girls have several western boyfriends on the go at the same time sending money and they are still making more money from new customers in their bars.

It is not fair to portray all the girls as scam masters. Many are honest, hard working girls trying to make a living as best they can. Lots of western men have married Thai girls they met in bars and are very happy. However, the sex industry is a corrupting influence and you should be on your guard.

There are no hard-and-fast rules - every girl is different and should be judged individually. A good dose of cynicism is sensible. Some hotels will not allow 'overnight guests'. Many others charge a guest fee or joiner fee anywhere from baht to baht. Hotels and guesthouses that allow overnight guests and do not charge a guest fee are referred to by the punters as 'guest friendly'.

The smaller hotels and guest houses are more likely to be guest friendly than the major hotels. That beautiful pussy can only belong to a goddess! I want to eat that until you cum, then eat it some more.

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Introduction