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The odds are against the lover. I have also learned to not trust the numbers. Although the numbers are against the affair lasting, it does not mean that the marriage will last or be unscathed. There are also some interesting findings coming out of research on bonding, and its influence in relationships. Affairs are also relationships based on having fun. When tough times come, they often fade. The poet Anne Sexton wrote a series of poems concerning an affair she had as the lover.
She describes the wife as sure and solid, with a foundation while she is just a whim. Jeffrey, thanks for your information, I would love to learn more about the attachment and bonding.
I know that the spouse has so many positives in their favor, even in the mist of an affair, but through the turmoil it is difficult to realize and utilize what works with your spouse. When Doug was confused about who he wanted to be with I read an article about winning your husband back from the other women. The advice said you know him better than anyone , you know what makes him happy, just do what you did at the beginning of your relationship.
Honestly I believe they want it all , the fun and stability. I guess the key is to show your spouse they can have it all in their marriage, it just takes time and effort. We have been together 22yrs now and we have a great marriage again thanks to all of you. Keep in mind that affair marriages have the same problems first time marriages do, it is no different. We have all read similar excuses.
And if anyone wants to believe it differently they are sadly mistaken. And like many of the stories here we became complacent and comfortable which allowed the EA to occur. I find your comments very interesting and forthright. Is that your own opinion, or have you seen it somewhere? I think your relationship lasted 22 years because you probably put up with bullshit that you did not need to deal with due to your guilt and shame.
The fact that you cheated and feel no regret could mean that once you obtained the cheater, you had to stick with nonsense. I wonder, if you had integrity initially, you would have had a better chance staying by yourself or meeting a man that would minimize stress in your life. In addition, your cheating husband could have cheated on you several times during your relationship and you did not know. This is a great comment.
She honestly believes I will follow her acrosss the country with our son to live down the street from her and her new partner and have a progressive family. I moved to Australia with my now ex of 23 years with our two little kids for his new job. As an insult to injury he had lent her my car to drive round in for the holidays.
Alternatively I can take them back alone to their country of birth wher I feel that inevitably they will lose any meaningful contact with their dad. My head hurts from worry… the irreparable damage these selfish people have caused to the lives of 2 little kids is beyond words. STarting with shaming you for breaking up a family. Curses to you and your cheating husband, may god withhold all love and benefits from your lives of destruction, and you eternally live with the sin and guilt of adultry.
Keep in mind lust is a deadly sin. It sits up there with greed and envy. Nothing good can come from it. To marry a lover who has not had respect for your marriage. Just shows how much respect he will have for your marriage when he marries you. This is exactly my train of throught oo Linda, so very bizarre.
He has said that he is not just any ordinary case, and that he knows that the OW and he could be very happy together, they are more compatible than we are. He knows they will have troubles as well, however he says they will be able to work through those and be happy. He says that there releationship is exciting. He said it is just the feeling he gets… too funny! Anyway, I agree with what you said. There relationship was founded on friendship which VERY quickly turned into deceit as I never knew abou the phone calls or anything until D day.
I can see them crashing and burning because the shame and guilt would eat them both alive. I feel worthless in this area. I feel I a not interesting to talk too whee OW is. I know this is not true, this is just how the affair has made me feel in all of this. Anyway, taking one day at a time. He is not interested in our marriage right now and I imagine he is in turmoil at the thought the OW will be moving 4 hours away in 2 weeks.
Once tha is out of the way, maybe then we can start to slowly, very slowly work on us. In the mean time I will be a rock of support to him and stay calm in my very turbulent world, so he has a safe and calm place to come home too.
In my opinion feeling worthless is lite , two years ago I found out I have cancer and shortly after that I found out my wife was cheating talk about a double whammer, e feel humiliated and less then a man, 14 years I never even for a moment thought of bedding any other women. Makes no sense, add into the mix of ex wife and an ex husband and add to that 8 children, makes for one very crazy and turbulent ride I would say.
Well that was total bullshit. If you knew us you would know how compatible were are. We enjoy all the same interests and always have. Unfortunately life became very busy and we stopped enjoying all of those things. I believe it has to do with the illusion, they see this person as they want to see them and their fantasy may be totally different from the way the person really is.
They want to believe they are compatible and this is special, if not why would they be messing up their lives for this person. Last week Doug and I met a couple that hooked up on EHarmony, and they talked about the questions and the long process to find a mate. Hang in there hopefully the fog with lift and reality will set in. FUCK all that compatibility bullshit!!
But for the spouse that has put up with all the mistreatment emotional abuse and mental trauma from the outcome of the affair…Not only does she deserve an Emmy but she also deserves a crown when she puts her big girl panties on…and throw his ass to the curb for being such a dirty scrub that he is for intentionally causing dissension and pain…FUCK HIM…not the way he knows how…but understand…who needs all that unnecessary emotional pain!!!
After what he did…. About all I could say after 23 years is your a very good liar. She says it never became physical, but she sent him nude pictures and told him she never stopped loving him.
That is why he loves her. However, I will remain silent and not ask. I hate this no trust issue. How on earth have you got through this linda and Doug. I know she will be moving away, yet I still fear that he will miss her so much and that will be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak.
They have never had to really withdraw from each other because they would try and then contact each other and then see each other. Well he knows I will not trust him if he has to go North as I know what would happen.
I so want my husband to hold me and yet he just wants nothing to do with me physically. Ho Hum, this is the sucky part. Patience is so hard and yet it is to become the new normal. We did have a good day out as a family today. I do know that the next 2 weeks are going to be awful for him as he know she will be leaving soon. I wonder if the phone contact will just increase once she has gone. Anyway, lots that can or will happen in the next few months.
I just need to stay calm and be patient.. I told mine straight up that if she wanted this guy I would take her there and drop her off, I told her that I would fight for her or with her, but I refused to fight for her. Mine had to make a choice early. Obviously you have not read enough. I can tell you that right now she is the complete opposite of you. You need to put on your big girl panties and act totally opposite of what he expects. Be her be that women you were when you first met your H.
Start feeding it to him. You need to start there. It might make him think. Start dressing up, make up etc. But make everything about you and his Affair is, well his affair. If you are acting like a doormat, you will be treated like one. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain, most especially your self-esteem.
Be ready to start your new life. Be it with him or someone else. Took me 8 months to get there!!!! Last2know, I appreciate your comments, however.. I can just tell you, with my husband ranting and raving will certainly not earn me any brownie points. It will only make him want to be homeless and push him towards OW. As for me being patient doea not mean I am being a door mat or am on drugs etc… My husband knows with out me going on and on about it that I DO NOT approve at all of what he was or is doing.
As for not fighting for my marriage, apparently when does being patient show me not fighting for my marriage? I think it shows the opposite. What I am allowing is for my husband to work through his emotions and see where his loyalties will lay in the end. May work for me and not you, I understand that, however I am not being a doormat.
As for getting about the house singing etc.. He knows I am devestated and notin denial about any of this. He hears my cries from the lounge of a night when I am in bed and dreaming. The same re occuring dream which has me ending up in tears. He knows my heartache. Yelling and screaming will not help me or my marriage. I do dress up, actually I take better care of myself more now than pre affair days.
I have lost ove 90lbs, just had a tummy tuck and look fantastic.. I see what I look like and know I am looking good. Thank you for the advice on that the affair is his and not mine, make it about me and not the other. I will take that advice on. It does hurt, I will continue to do it though and praise praise praise etc…. As far as looking at what weaknesses I have contributed to our marriage, I have certainly done that.
I have gone over and over and know where I have failed and could improve and am doing the opposite of what I was doing. I know what my weaknesses are, however my weaknesses did not MAKE him take that step of infidelity.
There are 2 in this marriage and if he was in a bad place, taking it to someone else sure as hell was not the answer. His choice and his problem. I have read and read all that is on this site and I think I am at a pretty good place. As I said, maybe being patient is not the answer for you. I recognise it is for me and my marriage and i also recognise that he will either stay in the end or leave.
Either way, I will be okay. It has been 6 months since D day for me and you know what… he is still here. I will be grateful for that and not complain and just keep doing what I have been. He has to change mostly, I do too, yet it is mainly him. Donna, Just a comment about feeling boring. Get that out of your head. My advice to you if you are going to be patient, is be mysterious. Pat, that is a great comment.
I still have problems understanding it, but I think you are right on target when you said they want the excitement of being in love, like a teenager. I was a teenager once who experienced the ups and downs and the excitement of infatuation, I may be boring but I would much rather have the security, commitment and mature love that is present in a long term marriage. I guess our husbands want to feel young and carefree again. I wish I could help Doug feel like that everyday but sometimes obligations and life get in the way and there is no escaping it.
I believe that is the main appeal of an affair, the escape from reality. This person allows them to remember what it was like to be a teenager, when they had the whole world ahead of them, with their hopes and dreams. I wish I could provide this atmosphere for Doug everyday, actually I wish we could provide it for each other.
I wish that we could escape to our private meeting spot or restaurant everyday and only focus on each other and never mention the kids, bills, or chores.
It is unfair that when you are involved in an affair that is such a priority but in a marriage it is the last thing on the list. How do we make our marriage into an affair? You are being his doormat! Your situation is no different than all the other million affairs that are going on.
Your situation is different. In my case the OW got busted by her H and her H told me. It happened labor day last year. I was telling my H about the texts, slowly I saw his demeanor change and then I knew it was true and he admitted it. I was in shock, my H was devasted was crying and apologizing profusely and all I could was sit there. Then his EA was over.
The thought of losing me, us was tearing him apart. Today he is still apologizing. We had a conversation in each others arms the other night. The old me would have never been to think it much less say it. It would just be too hard. Just keep looking good for you that is what is most important. When I said read I meant read Articles, books not just this website.
That helped me a lot. Although it still hurts my marriage and my H and I have changed we are communicating more and better than ever. I am here for you, whatever I say is not to hurt you, I promise. Donna- I think we all see you hurting and want to help, but your right what works for us will not work for everyone else!
You do what is working for you and only you will know when enough is enough! I too lost 92 lbs and felt great about myself and at the time I just couldnt figure out why he wasnt looking at me but I do now. She was all he thaught about it really didnt matter what I looked like! The crazy thing is she wasnt overly pretty, just average! I think when someone tells us what we are not doing really stings! It whips us back into reality that maybe we are not doing enough or maybe we are still screwing up!
I think we all think it at some point. We just need to take a minute and realize that we have to make our own happy! I think what I have realized though is I will be a better person and if he is lucky enough to stand next to me on this journey then we both win and if not I still have me!
I got down to , wore sexy bras and undies, tried extra hard to look my best and Doug never made a comment or pretended to notice. I would search for ways to make myself even more attractive to him, still without any result.
I constantly wondered what was wrong with me. I think he was blindsided by her and the fantasy and also turned off by my insecurities. It is very frustrating and the only thing I can say is to love yourself. Remember it is not about you, forget about what he is not doing and focus on what you are accomplishing to make yourself the best you can be.
I guess I got cheated more then once, I read that most of you lost weight, I had just the opposite, I gained 60 pounds in 5 months. Linda- My husband had a true affair! I found out after she had called it off, but only 3 weeks after. But I have to say you are right about all the stages of the affair. He went thorugh them all and has started to realize it was all a fantasy and that it truely never would have worked.
Well I just have to wonder what the hell was he thinking then? It still pisses me off! I try to understand it and I still can not! No live this life of there lies? Will it ever be normal? Im not even looking for great just normal! LizS, Thanks for the comments. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can, act on that knowledge and things can return to almost normal with time—even better.
Liz, No one deserves the betrayal. A marriage can offer much quieter, deeper, gifts. Safety, security, a feeling of trust, family. Be glad your spouse woke up.
He started an email affair with and old girlfriend, visited her once and ended the marriage. A marriage can survive an affair. How someone can throw away a 22 year relationship is hard to understand. I felt weak that is took me so long to get over. They see being able to break up a marriage of that duration a compliment, that they won a great prize. If she was absolutely sure she wanted him I would walk away.
He will never be allowed anywhere near my family. Wow I found out on the same exact date. Only she is 20 plus years younger. Been with him for over 23 years, in fact the previous week we had just celebrated our anniversary. We have four kids together. The two months we were rebuilding our marriage well at some point he was in contact with her and he was nothing but a rude jerk to me because he felt guilty. He was also distant and cold at times.
That was about a month ago. Believe me, he is a self-entitled spoiled brat who thinks he deserves two women. Be happy being single. Wow,reading your letter was like reading my life,my husband lied, cheated and moved out and in with his fling woman and a few months past and he wanted to come back.
Him ,he was distant,moody and was his selfish self doing nothing different and was still in contact with her. Yes i said get out go be with her. I would rather learn to move on than to have a life with him ,that is not the man i married and loved….. I as well as all others deserve a faithful ,caring person who wants them, not a selfish person who takes, blames and is clueless to the meaning of REAL love!
To think back and see i was actually suicidal and am ashamed now that he had that much power over me because now 2 YEARS AFTER the fact i KNOW i am a great person yes with flaws but i am real no fantasy and am willing and able to work hard on showing my care and love.
Liz, No one deserves betrayal. Marriage has deeper, quieter gifts. Family, trust, security, safety.. Be glad your husband woke up. He started an email affair with an old girlfriend. Met her once and ended our marriage. I felt weak because it took me so long to get over. A marriage CAN survive an affair. You will become stronger. Your husband does, now, seem to realize what he almost lost. I do love my husband although I am not able to express those feelings the way he would like for me to right now!
I think you can start to get over it if your husband knows how much he hurt you. My ex woke up after four years. He realized he had no self respect or integrity. Words like loyalty, commitment, dedication, devotion and honesty made him feel shame. He has to be willing to give you a lot of time to heal from the betrayal.
Ann, thanks for contributing to our site it is helpful to hear from people who have different stories and are in different stages of recovery. If this is not too personal I am curious to know if your ex is still with his affair partner and what he is doing with his life.
I think all of us hope that our spouses will eventually wake up and realize how stupid they were and how much they risked by their selfish behavior. I will never know how difficult the last four years was for you but I have to think that you have learned from this situation and have grown to be a stronger person because of it.
He is no longer with his affair partner. She had also left a 21 year marriage. I no longer chat with him at all. He is now involved with another woman. The spouse that can be single for awhile has time for self awareness and discovery. My thought about affairs, is, a marriage can recover. I got to the point that I respected a man having an affair the not deciding…the loving his wife but drawn to this other woman more than I did my ex who ended a marriage after emails and one visit.
He had no emotional ties to me at all if he could do that. So, for those of you suffering from an affair, there is hope for your marriage. He could very well still love you …has made a horrible mistake.. I just came across this web site and been following your posts. In reading your posts, I feel there is hope for my future. My soon to be ex left me for another after 20 yrs, and your right, it never lasts. The hurt that I and his child feels is so unbearable. He too is now with someone else.
I just hope I can over come all of this pain which is so so intense, and hope I can pick up the pieces and start a new life again.
I just found out 1 month ago that my H was having an EA with an ex from 20 yrs ago! And now they are in a full blown relationship. We had discussed divorce but I am trying to save our marriage. He has said he wants to give me a chance to show him the marriage can be saved and he suggested date night.
He tells me he never wants to be a divorce man, but feels like its headed in that direction. We still have sex and he has moved into the other bedroom. He says that after all the loyalty and the taken care of him he feels he owes it to me to show him that things can be better.
He leaves for work and gives me a kiss goodbye, when he leaves to go be with her he kisses me goodbye. I know this because I have overheard their conversations. He says he gets that with the OW.
Is he just stringing me along? I do believe some of this is a revenge affair also, it sounds a lot like it from the break free book. Our only real problem was communucation.
Is he being real with me? But would do I do now? The OW is probably providing him with the things that you cannot or did not, which is a tough obstacle for you to overcome, especially while he is still seeing her. I know this probably sounds like a broken record, but to be fair to you, he must end contact with the OW. How else can he truly work on your marriage? Basically, he wants to keep her around till he knows for sure about us. But your right it is a half ass attempt on his part.
I can hear the phone buzzing and usually he finds a way to answer again I look at that s hope. How long does an EA last? The hurt is just so terrible. Hi Toni — I was reading your post — and am very curious what happened? I hope you found your happiness!! What is he doing? And it throws me for a loop. I feel so lost and not know what to do.
My thoughts are with you! Why are you allowing him to treat you like an option? Once I confronted him and he came clean it was WAR because I was NOT going to just curl up and die and meekly hand over my husband of 28 years to a sweet-talking whore….. Unfortunately we have children, pasts, futures and everything that goes with being with someone for almost 30 years involves.
Artii, I used to be like you. Meaning, I thought I thinking like this made me a confident man. When, in fact, the inverse was actually true. I was not going to throw 9 years away over one very poor, hurtful decision.
I believed that with hard work and devotion we could rebuild our relationship and marriage. I guess my point is this, you never really know how you are going to react until the bullets start flying. I found that my false bravado was just that, false. Reading all these comments has my head spinning yet makes me feel a little better about me ending my emotional affair.
I was involved in an affair for 12 years. We were really in love but neither of us would leave. I could never hurt my husband and go off into the sunset with my lover. He claims he could but what does it matter. I finally made the decision to be without him. We talk here and there as friends but I will not go back to it.
Problem is I think about him constantly and the pain of being without him remains and it is almost two years. Even though things are good with my husband there is this emptiness that is haunting. Will this pain ever go away? BethD, Thanks for sharing. In my opinion, it would be very difficult to get over the pain as long as you are still maintaining contact.
Though my affair was no where near that long, I think your constant thoughts of the OP will go away eventually if you cut contact and put all your efforts, both physically and emotionally into your marriage. I know you are right Doug. I have tried the no contact thing. It worked for a little while but then when he started to contact me again it hurt me to hurt him. I still love him and I know I always will.
That is a given. I could write the book on affairs and I do know that no contact is best on paper anyway. At a certain point I was expending more time and energy maintaining no contact so I had to let it go. I try not to talk often. The hardest thing I am fighting is the fact that I feel I was happier when he was in my life as my boyfriend. I would say extremely selfish. Let your husband go so he can find somebody else, somebody who will love and cherish him. Leaving a relationship of 12 years will take some adjustment.
Cutting out a person from your life after that long will take some time to get used to. The pain will fade over time. As you draw closer to your spouse, a renewed sense of intimacy will have a chance to grow and spread into those empty parts of your life and heart. Changes like that take time. It is always important to allow time to bring the changes we need into our lives.
There may be some guilt for a while the haunting aspect. That too will fade. Another thing that helps some people is helping others. Jeff, I know a 12 year affair is crazy but we were just too connected to let it go. I wish getting closer to my spouse would do the trick but the crazy thing with me is my marriage was never bad.
Love my husband to death but different kind of love. His wife caught on because I guess she got tired of living like brother and sister. I think she also got scared since the kids are 0lder and the last one home leaving the nest soon so she was afraid he would leave. I never blame her. She fought for her marriage but of course it was the beginning of the end for our affair. How did you stop seeing visions of the two of them when you closed your eyes?
I have not slept in sooo long and am numb. Read over this article.. It offers a lot of helpful advice on how you can deal with this situation. My husband had an affair with a woman from work. I found a receipt that he had a dinner and I was working that day and asked him about it , he denied the affair. After some time arguing and asking he finally admitted the affair. I had felt he was having an affair for sometime but he kept denying anything was going on. I have forgiven him but it is so hard to trust anything he says.
I am so hurt and that I love him , we have been together thirty years, but I know we can work on our marriage. How can we both overcome and be positive about our marriage? How do I forget images on my mind about her and him together?
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Please give us a call at We would love to help you through all of this. Hi Kim we are reconciling. Since I last posted more about the affair has come about. Also my mother passed away. My husband says he really wants to make our marriage work. He has since blocked her off Facebook and her numbers. I really love him but the the fear of finding out its a lie all over again makes me distrustful.
I will be honest he is trying so hard. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am u being a bad person by saying I trust but deep down I do not? Do I have a right to feel this way? Will the feeling ever go away? I would prefer to stay not to use my name for now ,the same thing happened to me ,with my wife — I noticed that over the passed 18 months our relationship just started drifting further and further apart.
She would always tell me that she was going to guy ,or to her friend I didnt want to impose or make her feel changed in so I though so in the beginning I though not much off it and would rather not say or anything or else I was being controlling and she needed some space… at the end of December of found her with her boyfriend , it cost me everything i owned with her at home …she took my son away from me at All i can part is if you are in a relationship love your treasure your time together as nowerdays we tend to spend so much ti me at work and less time with those who we love …I wish all of you the very best regards….
We are so sorry to hear of your pain. We drifted apart mostly due to my medications. But I keep hoping that one day my phone will ring or I will hear a knock at my door. I just hope that I live long enough for him to come around. Each Dr has an opinion about my health.
I pray to the gods every day for my son to live with the regret that all of the time we could have had together. My twins turns 21 in 3 months, but at least you know that your son wants to be with you.
My Wife cheated on me 2 years ago and I found out on Facebook. The time I went to jail in She just told my therapist a while back that she loves me. I Love my husband. Please tell me she will soften her heart back towards me and we reconcile. Give us a call at We can have one of our representatives talk to you more in depth about what you can do in your situation.
I found out four years ago my husband had been soliciting acts of prostitution at strip clubs for the past 15 years. We have been married for 35 years. He has treated me poorly over the years and now I see why. He has been seeing counselors one after another and claims he wants to save the marriage but does little to help the relationship and continues to lie.
He is very narcissistic and tells people what he thinks they want to hear. I want a loving relationship that with mutual respect which I believe he is incapable.
When you get a chance listen to some of our podcast. There are many people having similar issues as you. Here is the link to some of our podcast. I feel your pain. Mine had an inappropriate relationship with someone he met while he was working. I was told they were just friends…even by her but the funny thing is she was a secret…. I know it was a lie because there were too many signs pointing to an inappropriate relationship. They were VERY close to the point he was trying to set up a play date with hers and our son.
I was sick and waiting to have surgery when he decided to have his fling. I started noticing how he pulled away from me when I needed him the most. He became extremely unsupportive, hateful and emotionally abandoned me when I needed him the most. The night I came home from the hospital, he went to work and left me at home with a 9 year old and I could barely walk. Now, several years later, we have separated. I feel like I have to make an appointment to see him and every visit, every conversation escalates into an argument.
Oh, and he only wants to see me at our house…. He has emotionally shut down. We have had sex 1 time in 9 months and it was void of any feelings…. I felt empty afterwards. I have accused him of seeing someone, but he denies it.
We would laugh about it and it was always no never. I continued to ask only because I had a feeling about one girl who im not friends with but has been in our circle time to time. She has always treated me differently. Finally after 5 years of asking he said yes one night I got really drunk and we landed in a car. It was before we got married and before we were engaged. Im torn over the years of me asking.
He says it meant nothing they never talked about it again. My heart is broken by the lies. Trying to figure out do I forgive for all the happy years we have had. The lies is ruining it al. This past weekend my fiance and I had a few friends over, everyone one was drinking besides me.
Through the night a close buddy of mine was getting really touching with my fiance the only women around and I know how he is, I watched him do the same shit to other married women including my fiance mother. I caught him as he tried to do it and and watched my fiance as well too.. Second time as I was still watching he attempted to do the same thing , this time it happenend and she seen I was watching..
Things get out raged and he wants me to hit him or slap him.. After said n done he left and my fiance said nothing happened. I confronted her and told her I seen it at all. She apologized and said he was just drunk and defending him. I to this day is still upset with it all. Dude, I was the same way when I was your age, remember a marriage is about trust.
During that time I went through therapy for the same issues that you are talking about. Think of it this way, men are wired to provide food and protect our women and children. But because we live in the modern age we have to suppress some of our natural instincts, if not she will leave. I got lucky and she came back for 17 more years.
But for the 16 of those 20 years we were together we had trust and understanding. By then our children were almost So from a man who has been in your shoes, learn to trust. If not then you might end up in a messy divorce.
I moved out 7 moths ago due to my peace of mind was dwindling. He constantly uses me moving out as an excuse for him to continue to live married living singled. He currently is resistant to me moving back into the home. He avoided our issues constantly during my time in the home but he found solace in another woman who herself is in a relationship. This is beyond painful for me to know that my husband is willing to settle for a piece of someone else than any part of me. We have a chikd with special needs who I am the primary carwgiver for.
Considering I stand alone with us reconciling at the moment not sure if I should wait it out or just go my way. I have done all that i could offered for us to go to counseling, suggestons that may help us recconec, tried to communicate,,etc Marriage takes 2 to fight. Trying to keep hope alive. At the beginning of this year I found out my husband had been talking with another girl for a long time. She found out that he was married so she messaged me on Facebook and told me everything.
When my husband got home from work I asked him about it and he straight up lied to my face about it. I kept asking him about it and he finally owned up to it.
He told me he was sorry and he would never do it again, but then 2 months later he was talking to another girl. This new one knew about me and our two kids. This aggervates me so bad too. Well he started asking and sending very inappropriate pictures to her.
I found out about her and he lied to me again about it.. I have no idea if I want to save my marriage because I feel like our marriage is just a lie. If you choose to fight for your marriage please give us a call and we can help. Really I am from this site. We meet lot of People from this site. M y husband and I have been together for 10 years. She seemed to think that they were going to be together someday. He answered the phone and kept saying hello?
And according to him no one said anything so then I told him to call the number back to see who it was and apparently no one answered. I asked him what the number was and he gave me the number all except for one number was incorrect but then she called back and it all just seem to very played out. Why would he give me the incorrect phone number in the first place? Also I need to mention that my husband works out of town every two weeks he is gone for 2 weeks so I decided that I was going to investigate the phone number and come to find out it is some chick that lives in the town where he works.
I am so very sorry you are going through this.. If you would like extra support during this time please consider joining our Facebook Group.. Here is the link… https: My wife and I have been together now for almost 11 years we have 4 beautiful children together. About 2 years ago I lost my job again and drew my unemployment.
Thought it would be a good time to enjoy my newborn baby and my 1yr old. After I made this decision my wife picked up extra hours at work. She became bitter that she was doing all the work. Then she started hanging out with the lady that she used to not like at work. I would ask her where she was and wait for a reply. So I was suspicious that she was lying. I thought she might have another phone.
So then I downloaded an app on her phone where I could see through her camera. In the interview, he dismissed questions about whether he has "problems with alcohol" as he said he did in , saying, "No, no. The affair and Newsom's drinking bled into his public life and grew into political scandal that tarnished the polished yet rebellious image he'd cultivated as the young, handsome mayor who wasn't afraid to buck the Democratic Party establishment.
Early in his tenure, he gained celebrity status in the liberal Bay Area after ordering City Hall to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, against the law at the time. Since then, Newsom's affair and the political turmoil surrounding it have become part of his redemption story.
I've never made them again and I've learned from it, and it led ultimately to falling in love with Jen," Newsom said, referring to his wife, Jennifer Siebel Newsom. In February , Newsom apologized at a news conference, saying the affair "is something that I have to live with and something that I am deeply sorry for.
I am also sorry that I've let the people of San Francisco down. The New York Times reported in February that he planned to "begin outpatient treatment at a local rehabilitation program. In a previous incident at San Francisco General Hospital, witnesses said Newsom showed up to "where a police officer had been taken after being mortally wounded" and "appeared to have been drinking," the Chronicle wrote.
Newsom, who was re-elected to his second mayoral term during the aftermath of the scandal, declined to say whether he ever sought to correct the record when news outlets reported he'd gone to rehab. He told The Sacramento Bee that he sought counseling back then from Mimi Silbert, president of the Delancey Street Foundation, a nonprofit rehabilitation center in San Francisco that specializes in substance abuse treatment and helps ex-convicts and homeless people.
I want a reset in your life. I want to spend time, what the hell's going on? Newsom called Silbert "one of the most extraordinary, important human beings in my life," who was "profoundly influential in helping me get through that. His mom passed away, and he suggested he was feeling the pressure of being mayor.
Silbert told The Sacramento Bee in an interview that Newsom attended Delancey Street Foundation roughly once a week for three years for personal and group therapy. Though it is not a traditional rehabilitation program, Silbert said she requires that participants abstain from using all drugs and alcohol. Through therapy, she said, she learned that Newsom's drinking was a way to cope with underlying issues.
And he broke those codes," Silbert said. You're angry at yourself and you self-sabotage. People do this from time to time, and he did.