6 Reasons Affairs Don’t Last…
Celeste Flexible Foot Job Freak. Bethany Gold Toothed Hooker Queen. Jen Tricked Out by Boyfriend. Jessica Near Death Experience Junkie. Sheila All About Pimps and Hoes. CJ Hooker with Goals. Betsy Pimped Out by Her Man.
Miss Kitty Politician's Crack Whore. Dyke Linda Skank Ass Hooker. Ellen Scrawny Ass Crack Whore. Red 2nd Generation Crack Whore. Roselyn The Crack Madame. Connie Train Wreck Life. Val See Her Crack Attack. Amanda Beer Bottle Butt Slut. Jasmine Real Family Black Sheep. Helen Street Walker Freebase Freak.
Granny Toothless Gum Job. Candie Dope Sick Love Story. Ashley Dog Loving Coke Whore. Winter Crackhead Gang Banger Ho. Jackie Latina Coke Whore. Melinda Prison Love Stories. Ann Ugly Ass Pussy. Annie Smart Ass Street Whore. Julie Daddy's Special Girl. Jodi The Abuse Junky. Lindsey Rule 1 Suck The Cock.
Roxie Crackhead Fag Hag. Deana Tales of Decapitation. Strawberry Secret Double Life. Crack Lovers Preaching Crack Logic. Dorene Crack Whore Genius. Nydia Lactating 3 Hole Whore. Pattie Robbed and Buttholed! Natalie Cow Town Prostitute. Jennie The Cum Loving Cunt. Angie Loves Butch Bitches. Laura A Three Hole Hooker. Dee Stupid Crack Whore Tricks. Belinda Daddy's Special Girl. Beth Fun with Flashlights. Sara Crack Whore Pussy Canyon. Fran She Knows Her Shit Vicky Ass Clapping Booty Shake.
Linda The Stem Fast Diet. Angela Full Time Crack Whore. Bunny Playboy Bunny to Crack Ho. Jean Returns Blonder and Badder! Gigi Lusty Latina Street Walker. Jean Banana Butt Sundae Girl. Krystal Disgruntled Crack Whore.
Jane She's Got Jungle Fever. Nina My Hubby is a Lifer. Brandi Prison Pass Around Slut. Amy White Rock Slave. Terri Crack House Tour. Trisha Quit Smack to Smoke Crack. Karen Pregnant Crack Whore. Denise Crack Whore in Training. Kimmy I'll Take it All Baby! Sandy The Cocaine Connoisseur. Rachael The Queen of Crack Whores. Hanna Got any Pain Killers? Becky Sue Anal Fist of Fury. If you want your marriage to not just survive but thrive you have to get them out of your heart.
When your married and you meet someone that makes you feel that way you should get away fast. You know, I think this site has actually answered that question quite well in another post. They were actually only meeting one or two of their needs.
The spouse was meeting the rest. What we have to do as the scorned spouses is learn how to meet all of our spouses needs. It was the nature of our relationship at the time.
Yes he was being incredibly selfish in his behavior but I needed to approach it differently. My love language is not words of affirmation so it is something that I have to be deliberate about or I end up not meeting my husbands needs.
He would go to work and interact with these women who would throw complements and flirations his way that skyrocketed his feeling of affirmation. There was such a gap between what I was giving and what the OW was giving that an affair was a definite possibility that eventually became a reality. Sometimes it just happens and some people like excitement in their life. I am probably one of them. Drama always seemed to find me. Your husband may be that type. You sound wonderful and i admire you talking this out with your husband.
My biggest problem with my OM spouse was that until recently she never mentioned what was going on with them. She just played her pretend marriage out and appeared to be content. My OM use to put her on speaker phone so I can hear the conversation. It was so cold between them I could feel the chill.
Almost like they were on remote control. I have a great friendship with my husband. I am glad for you that things seem to back on track with you and your spouse. I wish you the best. As for me I am contemplating going back to no contact.
I think I am getting to the point that talking to him even as friends is keeping me from moving on. Putting their conversations on speaker phone for you to listen to? That is incredibly disrespectful. That, as much as anything, made me question why I was with my husband.
How can he be attracted to someone who could be that much of a backstabber? How is someone like that even appealing? You deserver better, but there is no question—none at all—that his wife deserves better still.
It is a constant struggle for me to try to separate the reality from the fantasy. Yes our times were great and fun times as opposed to real life things. I did however, have some awful break ups and of course challenges in the course of all those years with my lover. Sometimes I think we went through more turmoil and angst with each other than our spouses. You know each others children, fears, fantasys, friends.
You start to confide in your lover much more than your spouse which is not a good thing. Things you would never tell your spouse you tell your lover.
It is a complicated relationship. You convince yourself that this is enhancing your life and filling it with everything missing in your marriage. I have no illusion that my life would be better if I leave my husband and marry my OM. I just miss him so badly that I wonder if it will ever go away. And yes I know I am addicted to him yet I feel like I am madly in love. Is there a fine line between addiction and love? One thing I have to say, and I am sure that you are fully aware of this, but I feel for a majority of your married life you have been married to two men.
You have your husband who provided companionship, trust, and the security that you feel living with someone on a day to day basis. Your lover provided the excitement, stimulating conversation, intimacy etc.
I can truly understand how difficult it would be to let that go. You have become so accustomed to your lover fulfilling some of your needs while your spouse fulfills the others, that there would definitely be a void in the relationship with your husband. I can understand how close you felt to your lover, but I need to ask a question. You said that you knew each others children, friends, fantasies etc.
Did you know them personally or were you only receiving a perception of them through your lover? I also have heard how easy it is to tell your lover things, why do you think that was? Why is it sometimes so difficult to be honest with our spouses? I also wonder would your lover be so appealing if your husband were completely out of your life?
Would he be able to provide everything you received from being involved in two relationships? Most people involved in an affair are receiving the best of both worlds, even though their marriages are not perfect they are receiving some benefit being in them or they would have left years ago. They also have this other person who they can be free, exciting and fun with.
I applaud your willingness to recommit to your marriage. I hope with time you will be able to establish an intimate relationship with your husband. As you said he is a wonderful man and deserves a wife who loves him. I just wonder if you will be able to give him everything he needs without being completely honest with him about your feelings.
Are you seeing anyone to help you sort through all of this? This would be very difficult to handle alone. You have a pretty firm grasp on my situation! Believe it or not I know of alot of affairs that have lasted this long. I know at least two where the affair went on over 20 years. One eventually left spouse and married lover and the other broke up. After the first few years I did have two husbands basically and I was pretty much devoted to both of them. When you are involved in affair this long there is a certain responsibility that goes along with it.
My OM was younger, wealthier, and treated me very well at times. That was the fantasy part. The expensive gifts, vacations and spa dates. I had amazing sexual chemistry with my lover. Nothing can explain the chemistry we had and it was there from the get go. We also had alot in common. Both of us coached our children in sports, both of us presidents of our own company, both of us middle children in big families, Italian Catholic school kids , same major in college. We knew each others children mainly by what we communicated but we both did meet each others children once and we both watched each others kids in sports.
My husband is a very caring person and I think more adoring of me than my lover was. My lover tended to be more self absorbed. He was able to put me in a compartment when he needed to most likely when the heat was on and that was devastating to me.
It really did become his undoing at the end and was the wake up call I needed. I do want to grow old with my hub and I appreciate how he is always there for me. I know I could never abandon him. It is so complicated but you are right they both fill different needs.
I talked to a counselor. She feels both my lover and I have more in common with each other than we do with our spouses. Shocking advice since she is Catholic. Basically my friends and sisters have been a big support system for me. They kn0w both of them and believe it or not have an attachment to both as well. Their main worry always was that I would get caught and ruin my marriage so they are glad this has ended. They do understand my angst in making this decision but I think I hide from them the fact that even though it is two years later I am still in turmoil.
It is embarrassing to admit that to anyone. I feel like an obsession case. I also have to hear from him how his marriage is worse than ever with me out of the picture. None of it helps! If I could just conquer the no contact thing!! There is no fine line. Love is selfless, addiction is not. Love is about others, addiction is about getting what you want for yourself. When you get emeshed in an affair it is incredibly hard to see the line and recognize the difference. I can imagine that what you are going through is agonizing.
It reminds me of what a friend said once when encouraging others to not have affairs or even go down the road towards them. Alecia I just recently had to give that advice to a friend.
It will be out of your control very quickly. It is the most dangerous game you will ever play. Interesting how you mentioned the OM wife. She became my enemy.
I started to hate her and I am not that type of person. She was trying to gain control over him at the end and it worked. My rational side admires her for fighting. She would kick his butt out, would go after his business and financially he would be in a much different position. But of course i hated her for it as wrong as that is.
Your emotions take over in an affair and all rational thinking goes out the window. I know now that she must have gone through hell with him and I do feel bad. I truly hope he tries with her and leaves me alone. Living this life with a spouse that is devoid of love had to be awful for her. I did not have that with my husband. We get along and he had no clue.
It is crazy but I have a good marriage. I think my OM was jealous of the fact that I truly adore my husband even though he knew my passion was for him. It also crushed his future dreams of wanting to be with me eventually. I made no bones about the fact that I was never leaving no matter what. It makes me strong to hear the other side of the coin and the damage it caused for you. I am sorry you had to go through this.
You know what I told my husband when we were going through this? Soul mates are created. They are also someone you have a deep connection with on all levels: Caught my wife texting an old friend that in the beginning she told me about and I was ok with because she knows I trust deeply. Then she started to hide it and I caught her. A month later on our anniversary she out of the blue told me I never have to be paranoid about him ever again.
Six weeks ago, I cought her in a lie about who she was texting. She tried to say it was our sun and when she knew the gig was up.
She told me she loves him and me both the same. She had two kids prior to us which was a very emotionally and physically abusive. He beat her in front of her own kids and cheated on her three times.
She finally left him for good with the support of her close friends. I met her at the age of 22and dropped my youth to be there for her amd her beautiful children. Swore from day one knowing what she has been through that I would never dishonor and make her look as fool.
Now she did that to her self. I have been an amazing husband and father she says, but she has a lot of shit going on in her head. I have spent the last six weeks remindingnher of how she is my whole world which is weird because she knows it very much already. Just take it one day a t a time but now she has told our son.
So now I give her time and space to figure out my future and the future of our family. She even said when drunk one night a few days ago that she wants her cake and eat it too. No sex, no nothing. But yet she says she loves me the same as ever. She shows more love to the cats then me. Knowing I did everything right….. Our oldest kids are demanding she cuts the contact immediately. Or there moving out. Planing on leaving for a week to show her life with out me around.
Hope it wakes her up to see what she has. I know sometimes people need to loose in order to see what they have in front of them. I have really enjoyed everyones comments. It has made me view my situation very differently. You may want to think through why. Were you passionate with the other man because of who he was, or you who you were with him?
Sort of silly, I know, but sometimes our expectations drive our results. Just something to think about. My OM is 20 years younger than my husband.
My hub 10 yrs older, my OM 10 years younger. Hate to admit it but besides the newness factor, physical attraction plays a role in the passion area. We are talking about 6 pac abs here vs slight pop belly.
Sounds shallow but it is what it is. My husband though looks good for his age and certainly not in bad shape but physically hard to compete with a man 20 years younger. He is a better man and I know this in my heart. I just need to accept that I need to give that up to maintain my sanity. I think he was kind to her. There just was nothing between them. In retrospect I think he was trying to justify his cheating to me.
Mine was due to medical problems with my husband that took our sex life away. So he wanted me to know he was in a cold marriage. Do I think that is her fault? No and the longer I am away from him the more I think he was a big contributor as well. I think one of the things that bonds you is complaining about your spouses. It is a weird thing. Maybe we were both trying to justify a wrong thing.
It just felt so good and it hurt so much every time we tried to walk away. This time I am doing well and no contact was the way to go.
I put a stop to it all and I am doing well. My husband cheated with his coworker who is also married but with children. I have read all your responses and I can say I was shocked that some were suggesting the wife is partly to blame because there were problems in the marriage.
EVERY marriage have problems, it is up to both to make sure they make it work. I am divorcing my husband and he was shocked, it never occurred to him I would walk away. The fact I refuse to let him get away with his error made him respect me.
The best chance for the wife to keep the husband is to kick him out of the house and make him realize what he gave up for the OW. That will drive a wedge in their relationship because he will always look at her and think he lost a good woman because of her.
I found out last month that my H was having an affair. He is 36, she is Aug 23 I had a Terrible nightmare that my H was cheating on me. I went into his email and found proof that he WAS.
Strange, according to him that night was the first time they had sex. He met her Aug, 17, slept with her Aug, 23, them moved in with her a few days later. I should mention that he started a new job Aug, 1 3 hours away. So he was staying with a friend during the week, and driving home on the weekends. Yes, the marriage was in bad shape. The weekend after I found out we spoke about the situation. Weeks later he now says, that he is not sure of his feelings for her anymore, that he is still in love with me.
That he has always loved me, and that he needs time to make the new me a reality in his mind. That the old memories of him and I are still too strong. That he needs to be sure what path will bring him true happiness. He is having sex with both of us. We have amazing sex now. Even though the pain of knowing he is with someone else during the week is most painful for me. It does not benefit either of us to discuss that situation right now. I tried, he became short, and irritated.
He has said in the past that he does not sleep well while he is there, but does while he is here. I am willing to suffer through this for as long as I can. They will either benefit my marriage, or benefit my new life without him. We have three children under the age of 8, and a TON of debt. He has admitted that he has not thought through what would really happen if we got a divorce.
This has been very helpful for me. I have been married for only 4 years. In those 4 i have had 2 children. I discovered my H was having an affair when i was 2 months pregnant with my second. I confronted him and he denied it. A month later he left me for 5 terrible weeks. Then came back to work on the relationship. He still would not come clean about his affair so we could not work on our relationship.
To top it off, I started going into preterm labor and was put on bed rest for the last 4 months of my pregnancy. Very sad and stressful times. I was always in fear that he would leave when i had the baby. He left me when the baby was 10 weeks old. Still not telling me about the affair.
He has been moved out for 6 months now and everything has come out. He met another married woman at work with 2 children of her own, he is in love with her and is not coming back. Now she has left her family to be with him.
Understanding the dynamics of what their relationship is built on has helped. I truly want him to come back, but i feel like i just need to give up and not speak to him. I have been exercising and i am in even better shape then when we first met. I am thinking of going back to school. My kids are the center of my universe. Ive been going to therapy to work on the issues i have that contributed to the breakdown of my marriage since he left 6 months ago.
Where do i go from here with him? I am not sure if i should give up and just let the cookie crumble as it should. I feel like eventually we would have some major flirtation going on but should i feed into that? My husband is having an affair with another woman. I found out 3 wks ago because he had been acting suspicious. So I asked him.
And he admitted to meeting the other woman at a club. He loves to dance. I was stupid enough to let him go have fun by himself. Our marriage was in trouble before the affair. He says he tried so many times to fix the marriage. I know he did. And I didnt do anything about it. Its too late now for me to fix anything.
I admit my faults, but it takes two people for a marriage to make it work or not work. Even though I know I am responsible for not working on my marriage when I needed to. I am deeply hurt by his actions. He has always been a great husband and father. But since he left my daughter and I. Hes a completely different person. He hurts me every chance he gets. He says he doesnt love me, he doesnt want to hurt me.
Hes hardly sees his daughter anymore. His mind and body are in another place. He has lost touch with reality. Just like some people said on their comments. Hes acting like a teenager. I realize hes not worth fighting for. I hurts my heart that someone you love can hurt you so much. I know I have to get on with my life, but is is so hard and painful when I see my 2 yr old baby suffering as well. Because she hardly sees her dad anymore. He is so selfish now. I want to be strong for me.
I know that if I am okay my daughter will be too. I know I have to hurt before I can get better. We have been married 24 years, together 27 years and have 3 sons who are 18 and up. I asked what he meant and he just cried and when I would ask again, he would say, oh it was nothing. Yet he continued to pull away from me and our boys. We went to Hawaii a year ago and I could feel his distance however we were intimate every day and night. Came home and again felt the distance.
I confronted him and he flat out denied it. Fast forward to May and he confessed after I just had it one day and was really upset. The shock, hurt, anger was and is something I had never experienced. This all happened in the midst of our middle sons college graduation, our youngest sons high school graduation and our older son flying in with his girlfriend who is now his fiance so we could meet her.
During all this I had to pretend when my life was in turmoil. I had to endure his comments about our horrible marriage, everything I did wrong, how she taught him what a real relationship was like she is married too with 3 children , blah, blah, blah. Well caught him in more lies, they continued seeing each other, I finally found out who it was with after I located their secret pay as you go phone. Yep it was Ji — — from our gym, made me sick. They ended it several times only to have one of them start it up again.
They were not seeing each other or having sex but managed to have short conversations at the gym, she even sent messages via other gym members to my husband. He would have sullen moments and pull away and then try to pull me back in. It does and feels like I am on a roller coaster. He finally began therapy in late October and we have gone downhill from there. He actually told me he is undecided, to him she is perfect and I have flaws that I brought to the marriage. Yet when I offered him out of our marriage he did not want that.
He is conflicted and confused and can be downright verbally cruel to me at times. I have shut down and pulled away. I am back in individual therapy and am beginning a 12 week on line Harboring Hope program. I have developed terrible anxiety and am now taking Ativan and started SamE, a natural antidepressant.
I have lost 24 pounds and discovered working out, which I do 5 days a week. It is horrible as we all belong to the same gym and every once in a while I see her. I did call her husband and told him what I knew in Sept. I could not believe he was telling me this. My husband is full of self pity and acts depressed and unhappy. Of course that is my fault. I have been told to hang on, he just began therapy and it is going to be painful and rough.
He is the one who has battled depression and I was always the one to make all our social plans, he never has and our sex life when we had it was great! I am trying so hard to hold on but I am very lonely. I have great friends and family who are so supportive. But I am so ready to be off this roller coaster.
I know he misses the sex because 9 days ago he followed me all over the house and grabbed me, asking me to ravish him. Only for him to treat me coldly the next day, so I am done. It is hard to think about giving up on 27 years together, our family, our home and all we have built up. Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Quit that gym, both of you, and find another one.
He sounds like he is still in the affair fog — read about it on this blog. My second piece of advice is to work on yourself without any thought of his needs or wants.
Pull yourself up and take care of you! Your H sounds like he is not ready to listen to you about your pain and hurt. Back off and let him deal with the therapist I am hoping he found a good one — bad ones can do more harm than good. You deal with your issues and start working on making yourself happy! And read different blogs on this site to help you understand what you are going through and that you are not to blame!
Wishing you good luck and keep posting on this site to get any advice you need. There are lots of very smart people on here who will help you. Jules, I am sorry for the hard time you are going through. When I went through my own ordeal I prayed and gave it over to God. God gives people their own free will, so we do not have control over what other people do. God asks us to forgive them, but to put our trust in Him.
God has a perfect plan for your life, but its up to you to go to God. I can not give you advice on what you should do in reguards to your marriage, but I can give the best advice, of telling you to pray about it. Jules, By praying and understanding what God wants for you, can only come from Him.
By praying, I found that internal peace that God, gives. He will work everthing for our good, if we trust him. I live each day by renewing my mind, to his word. We are humans that only see a piece of the puzzle, God has the whole picture. Hey Anita, you are right about giving the problems to God but I also believe that God helps those who help themselves.
You still have to do what you must to help yourself in this morass of problems. Pray to God for the strength to understand and to know what to do.
Then help yourself by doing what you must. I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. We grew apart in a matter of a cpl months. I went away for a trip with my daughter and while I was gone met up with some chick from work and slept with her. He told me when I got back a week later. Then said he was leaving me for her.
They have been together for 1 month now. I have talked to other ppl that have gone through similiar situations but it just seems hopeless. I want him back because we had a great relationship except for the last cpl months of hell. I read the statistics and says less than 1 in a survive a relationship based off of cheating.
I have read books, went a psychic, and even begged him to come back. I feel devestated but I am taking baby steps everyday so that I can heal myself. I know everything happens for a reason so I am just hoping that I can find that reason soon. Thanks for this blog its helped me a lot!! I just need ways t do it, without upsetting him… And I also want it to be mutual… I was thinking of maybe saying that something on my end has happened, and cannot see him again….
I really want my marriage to work…. Time to make a change…. I can do this…. I really do not want t be fire fighting…. Brianna I had a similar situation and mine lasted over 10 years as well. I can finally smile and say it is over but it was the biggest battle I have ever fought in my life.
We keep waiting for something to happen like getting caught or the OP disappointing us. I know it is possible to love two people based on what I went through but your spouse is not getting a fair deal. I thank God every day that my hub never found out. My marriage would have been over and I would have regretted it every day of the rest of my life. Please do it now. Your husband deserves so much more than this. Noone has been hurt yet and you can both concentrate on your marriage.
Hate to say it but the only way is to just tell him, and then no contact. Look I still struggle if I get a call here and there or text message.
It is three years and I still think of him every day but it gets less and less. Pray, pray, pray and keep busy. Fill your life with wholesome things.
You will get an intangant that you will never have as long as you are with him. I hope you can even begin to imagine what it might be like to discover that your own husbands had done this same thing for such a significant part of your marriage. We all make mistakes, but over 10 years of deception is more than a minor mistake in judgement. I hope for all involved you will make your marriage your ONLY priority, or to leave if you cannot—I really, really feel for your husbands!
Do not judge lest ye be judged….. Brianna is coming on here for help not to be lectured ms self rightous. There are numerous reasons a person can get into this situation none of which a closed minded person can understand. I know affairs that have lasted well over 20 years until the death of one of them. Most of the times it lasts because both are married, missing something in their marriage and the other person fulfills it. It is not right…noone can justify it but it happens and once you are in it, it is one of the worst addictions you can have.
I know now I was addicted to my lover both physically and emotionally. It was not this great love affair I made it out to be in my mind. It took me years to figure it out but once I did I knew the only way out was no contact much like a drug addict or alchoholic must never touch drugs or alchohol again.
He is very happy and my marriage is better than ever. I do however feel grateful that he never found out. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Beth D—first, as the husband of a cheating wife, I am not sure what was said was all that self-righteous.
Oh, I am sure there was a lot of criticism, nagging, etc, but I doubt whether most of these folks made any effort to change themselves. I am sure I disappointed my wife plenty, but the question is whether that was due to my failures, or her unrealistic expectations. You are right, I cannot know all the facts of your case. But there appears to be a pattern to this, and based upon what you have said, you are fitting that pattern. May be you are the exception to the rule. First of all your reading comprehension needs work PTY.
I clearly stated in my post that there is no justifying. You missed the entire point of my post. The point was Brielle came here for help….
I have a feeling I know what your wife was missing in your marriage. He is a happy man. You sir clearly are not. This got ugly fast. Beth, I do sometimes wish that I would have never found out. During her affair two years ago I also did find out that she had been corresponding with her ex-husband during our 13 years together.
Even if everything was not an affair it was deception. And It sounds as if you understand that. I understand that, but not everyone does. We are all on here for support and to be safe to say how we feel including you and PTY. Saying that you understand what his wife may have been missing in his relationship was a stab directed to him.
I would ask everyone to try and keep this a safe place for all. Michael — I agree this got ugly, but I disagree that it has been fast. The CSs have been taking jabs at the betrayed spouses without having to face any consequences for quite a while.
They always couch their comments under the guise of being remorseful, begging to be given a chance to speak as if we had any actual say in the matter. Lynne — Let me say how sorry I am that I have not responded while you have been repeatedly attacked by at least four different CSs. I have read your apologies and wondered how the CSs can repeatedly talk about how unsafe this blog is while openly attacking you.
It is utter manipulation on their part to repeatedly state how unsafe this blog is. If in fact many of their comments are not being posted then they need to take that up with Doug and stop blaming us. That was judgmental and abusive. Telling all of us you know people who have had affairs for over 20 years was simply rationalizing and justifying your own affair. You might want to read up on human behavior. If you want to be given any credibility whatsoever then you are going to have earn it.
Now you want to blame someone else for what you perceive as being trashed. Lynne did not trash you. Is she not allowed an opinion? All BSs — You are kidding yourselves if you think you are actually getting anything worthwhile from most of the cheaters on here. Do you honestly believe that someone who is admittedly 3 weeks out has their head on their shoulders yet? You are being used by them. There is no doubt in my mind that the CSs have figured out that most BSs are so hungry for information that they will literally kowtow to them.
The Cheating Spouses have gotten absolutely brazen and no one seems to want to call them on it. This has been interesting to read and follow. My story is like many others, my husband confessed to his emotional affair that had turned physical last May, Then he proceeded to blame me, the marriage, blah, blah, blah. This was devastating to hear after 24 years of marriage, raising 3 boys and finally getting the time to really re-connect with my husband.
I heard it all, I was not meeting his needs, I was not there enough, etc.. But yet he still want to blame anything or anyone versus really looking deep within himself. Happiness comes from within and why would he not communicate with me, his wife? Well because now I know it is NOT me, it is all him. Where has this gotten him? I did it because I do but I love myself more and refused to spend one more day with a husband not willing to do any hard work on himself and be responsible for his own recovery.
Our youngest son told me he did not like being home because of how his Dad behaved and treated me. I could not allow this man to do this in front of our boys even though they are 18, 24 and My husband is afraid of people knowing, his own sons are very angry at him and our oldest refuses to have anything to do with him including not wanting his own Dad at his wedding.
So fast forward to today and I am moving forward with my recovery and I am still doing the hard work. It feels so good to feel good about myself again, therapy has helped me a lot!
Unless you are the BS you can never understand what this does to your spouse. I did not until it happened to me. I have apologized to a dear friend who went through this 16 years ago. I felt horrible that I could not understand how she could not easily kick her husband out and divorce him. Now I do and I am one of those who is very compassionate and forgiving. But also know we are all responsibility for our own behavior, period!
If you feel you must cheat, be honest with your partner and leave first. What this does to families, friends and communities is devastating and yes it hurts not just the spouses, but everyone else you are close too.
So 1o months from D-Day for me and I am no longer pretending or quiet. If asked I talk and keep it brief. I finally said something to the married OW in the parking lot of our gym. Just that I know everything including all her recent contact and that I was done with her and being silent.
Then I walked off and she put her car in reverse and hit me. This was witnessed and they came forward and I did file a Police Incident report. So now the affair is on a public record. I am ok but know now that she is not stable at all and very afraid of others knowing too. See how 2 people can make a nightmare and I for one am getting out of that nightmare. My husband and I have been married 15 yrs this April with 2 beautiful boys 10 and 13 yrs, For the last 3 years my husband had to go abroad for work USA for work due to financial pressures.
I discovered last april that he was having an affair with a woman 20 years younger than him. One year on and he is still with her. Every 2 months he comes home to visit the boys and he says he comes to visit me too. I am completely devastated by his betrayal and live in hope it will all work out. He stays in the family home when he visits and Im ashamed to say that we sleep in the same bed.
I just miss him so much and take comfort from those days and nights that I have him to myself. He says that its just company he needs while working away and that it gets him through the lonely nights. He says he is just doing what he has to to get through his situation. He will be abroad for the next 3 years at least. He assures me someday we will get our marriage back on track and that he intends on returning home once we are financially set. Should I just go along with this and wait and just enjoy him when he is home.
We had a fab 2 weeks together at xmas. I do still love him and I dont want our kids to grow up without him. I certainly understand that there are a lot of emotions from both sides of the coin regarding this highly sensitive issue. However, there is no question that we can learn a lot from each other.
I know this first hand because I have learned so much from many of the BS who have commented on this site. And I know Linda has learned a lot from the CS as well.
We may not always like what we here but there is no reason why that should cause us to react in a hateful manner. A good old fashion debate is certainly welcome. I would think that healing would be the ultimate goal for each of us. Also, I was unaware that it seems that there are people that think that their comments are not being posted.
If someone thinks that a comment was not posted, then re-post it as there must have been some sort of a technical issue of some sort or it was labeled as spam for some reason.
Too many of those come through for me to even deal with. I believe you probably had many opportunities since you monitor the replies. Where were you then? Maybe you have learned a lot from many of the BSs. And, for the record, I would like to hear from Linda just exactly what she believes she has learned from them.
For the most part I believe the betrayed spouses are looking for guidance in healing themselves and their marriages. I honestly cannot say the same for the cheating spouses regardless of what some may advocate. I think most of the CSs are more into being accepted than actually healing. I understand you wanting to believe they are here to resurrect their marriages or become the best person they can be, but I do not buy it. Still others repeatedly tell us how they sobbed day in and day out for weeks and months over losing their affair partner.
Most of them want us to understand how difficult it is for them having to give up their affair partner all the while trying not to puke while having to be around their spouse. A great deal of it is downright cruel. Is it totally inconceivable for a CS to be considerate of another? I understand they have spent weeks, months and in some cases years being totally selfish, but now they need to be held accountable. IMO that is your job. You may very well find me confrontational and hateful, but I refuse to sit back and gloss over these issues.
People are not being truthful. People are being hurt and the only way this will ever be a safe place is if you separate the betrayed spouses from the cheating spouses. As it is, there is just too much opportunity to take advantage of vulnerable people without being held accountable. I saw a spirited debate from both sides. I will apologize to her privately if I misread that dialogue in anyway. The folks that come to this site are all in various stages of recovery.